Funny Updates
This post was written by MJ on 17th Mar, 2003
“Moment of truth,” day of infamy
War? Coming up. Pestilence? Check. Can the other two horsemen of the apocalypse be far behind?
Fareed Zakaria in MSNBC: “The Arrogant Empire: America’s unprecedented power scares the world, and the Bush administration has only made it worse. How we got here—and what we can do about it now.”
Brian Eno in European Time: “America as a gated community won’t work, because not even the world’s sole superpower can build walls high enough to shield itself from the intertwined realities of the 21st century. There’s a better form of security: reconnect with the rest of the world, don’t shut it out; stop making enemies and start making friends. Perhaps it’s asking a lot to expect America to act differently from all the other empires in history, but wasn’t that the original idea?”
Jason Burke from the Guardian reporting from the Turkish border: “I made my own contribution to the general idiocy when a Frenchman with a black polo neck and a pipe began berating the governor in language that was ingenious in its obscenity. Fearing that some random freelancer was about to irredeemably anger a man who could send us all back to Ankara I told him to shut up. When he didn’t I hit him quite hard. He turned out to be the foreign editor of Libération, the great leftist Paris-based newspaper that I have always admired and enjoyed. This did not make me feel any better about the episode.”
Meanwhile, in La-La land: “The official gift baskets for the 75th Academy Awards that go to nominees, presenters and performers are full of goodies, gizmos and beauty products. The presents include a mini-tassel handbag in pastel-colored leather by Dooney & Bourke, Godiva chocolates, A.T. Cross’ candy-colored pens, Sebastian International Shaper hair products, Enjoy perfume by Jean Patou Paris and Sjal holistic skin moisturizers… Both Motorola and Sprint are sending new camera phones; Motorola’s comes with free service for six months while Sprint’s comes in a fancy Fendi case. Victoria’s Secret is customizing a “good luck charm” bra and panty set with the initials of each actress nominee, and British hairdresser Charles Worthington gave out Dream Couture shampoo and conditioner, which contain extracts from chardonnay champagne grapes and Perigord black truffles.”
From Raed, the Baghdad blogger: “impossibly long lines in front of gas stations last night, some even had two police cars in front of them to make sure to no “incidents” occur. the price of bottled water jumped up 3 fold. on “shabab TV- youth TV” there were announcements that the NUIS (national union of iraqi students) is selling. water pumps and tanks, hard helmets, small electrical generators and most surreally Chemical-biological attack protection chambers, in the picture they showed it looked like an octogonal barrel layed on its side with two bunks in it and some strange equipment on the outside. no prices just a phone number. rumors of defaced picturs of Saddam in Dorah and Thawra Districts (maybe maybe not) and the cities of Rawa and Anna are so full of people now you wouldn’t find a hut to rent, it was pretty safe to be there during the first war and people who have the money are renting placed there hoping that it will be safe this time. the dinar is hovering around the 2700 per dollar and the hottest items after the “particle-masks” are earplugs, they can’t be found in shops and you have to pre-order.”
That sound you hear is the tiny, tiny heads of Chomsky fans exploding: Jose Ramos-Horta, Nobel Peace Prizewinner and liberation hero of East Timor, is on CNN right now (12h17) explaining why an attack on Iraq is necessary.
Question: Since there will not be a vote on attacking Iraq, what happens to the billions promised to various Security Council members by the US? Will Guinea still get its booty? (I wrote that just because of the way it sounds; the question is legit, tho.) If not, France shouldn’t expect many Christmas cards this year.
